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Last year, on my birthday, I made a bold declaration: 'No more celebrating birthdays at bars; we should be out exploring the world!' Yet, fast forward to this year, and here we were again, clinking glasses at a bar. Was this a failure to follow through on my promise? Not at all. It was a testament to the fact that we are all at the beginning of new journeys, and sometimes, that journey includes a few detours. I could have forced the issue and meticulously planned a trip to ensure I stuck to my resolution. However, I realized that I might not have had as great a time as I did this year. What changed? I became more flexible with myself, and I patted myself on the back, thinking, 'I have my emotions under control.' It was that same night when I discovered Brene Brown's book, 'Atlas of the Heart,' and I started to wonder, should emotions really be under control? If we consult the dictionary, 'control' is defined as exercising restraint, while 'manage' means to be in charge of something. So, when people called me 'cold-hearted,' was it because I had my emotions under control but not managed properly? My journey to becoming 'Tasmanian Leslie' started early in life with my naturally calm temperament due to childhood molestation and the shame of getting "in trouble". However, when I got married at the tender age of 21 to a highly narcissistic man, everything changed. I tried to match his energy just to gain his attention, despite his untreated brain-damaged from being shot in the head at age 17. It's safe to say, my expectations were misplaced. With two kids in tow, I felt the pressure to adhere to my family's code of ethics: 'It's better to marry than to burn.' Regardless of whether it's the right person, they believed marriage would fix everything. Those seven years turned out to be the worst of my life, with the only value in that relationship being the children we brought into the world. I lived in constant uncertainty, and I didn't like it. So, I started controlling my emotions. While my friends and family would express their feelings, I would stick to the facts. My anger was no longer on display, but the energy was still expended. As I listened to Brene Brown's book over and over again, the concept of 'wise mind' became impossible to ignore. Why did I wake up at 3 am to watch that interview? I couldn't turn the book off, I kept rewinding chapters, and I couldn't ignore the lack of emotional management I had never truly discovered. 'Atlas of the Heart' by Brene Brown, PhD, MSW, beautifully describes the plethora of emotions we all experience. I often tell my clients, 'If you can name the feeling, you can respond differently.' However, I hadn't learned to name my feelings, so I wasn't responding to them. I had taken it to the extreme, and all along, I thought I had 'arrived.' It's time for me to take another step towards wholeness. If you're ready to increase your emotional intelligence, I strongly recommend checking out this book. It has become my new guide to understanding the emotions I locked up for so many years. Dive into 'Atlas of the Heart' and embark on your own journey of self-discovery. It might just be the new 'bible' for understanding and managing those complex emotions we've all experienced at some point in our lives. Also, check of the HBO Max 5 part docuseries build around the teaching of this book. Our feeling are to help us enjoy our lives NOT CONTROL THEM! Leslie Ousley MA LPC SAC-IT

Introduction: Tears are a natural and therapeutic way to express our emotions. Unfortunately, many of us have been conditioned to hold them back, adhering to the belief that "big boys/girls don't cry." In this blog, we'll explore the myriad benefits of shedding tears and share ten safe and effective ways to release pent-up emotions when the need arises. The Value of Crying: Crying is not a sign of weakness but rather an indicator of emotional maturity. It's a powerful mechanism for processing and releasing intense feelings, whether they're rooted in sadness, happiness, anger, or other emotions. Our ability to cry is innate; we come into this world knowing how to do it, without anyone having to teach us. Benefits of Crying: Scientific studies have shown that crying can have several positive effects on our emotional and physical well-being. Here are some of the benefits: Mood Improvement: Crying can alleviate feelings of sadness and improve your overall mood. Detoxification: It helps remove stress-related chemicals from your body, leaving you feeling lighter and more relaxed. Pain Relief: Crying releases endorphins, our body's natural painkillers, which can help dull physical and emotional pain. Self-Soothing: Shedding tears can be a form of self-soothing, allowing you to find solace in the midst of turmoil. Restoring Emotional Balance: Crying helps restore emotional equilibrium, bringing relief and clarity to your feelings. Ways to Release Emotions Safely: If you've been holding back your tears, it's time to let them flow. Here are ten safe and effective ways to facilitate this emotional release: Seek a Hug: Reach out to a trusted friend, parent, or confidant and ask for a comforting hug. The warmth of human interaction can often bring on the tears. Watch a Sad Movie: Engage with a poignant film or TV show that resonates with your emotions. Sometimes, a fictional story can help unlock your feelings. Find Laughter: Believe it or not, a good laugh can also lead to tears. Watch a hilariously funny movie or TV show like "Friends" or "The Office" and let the laughter flow. Listen to Sad Music: Put on a playlist of heart-wrenching songs and immerse yourself in the lyrics, allowing the emotions to surface. Reflect on Photographs: Browse through old photographs that evoke strong memories and feelings. Engage in Physical Activity: Participate in a workout or exercise class, like cycling, yoga, or boxing, to release emotions in a safe and controlled environment. Get a Massage: Consider a back rub or massage to release emotional tension that may be stored in your body. Keep a Journal: Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal to help you process and understand your emotions. Confide in a Friend or Relative: Share your feelings with a close and trustworthy friend or family member who can provide a listening ear and support. Talk to a Therapist: If you're struggling to access and express buried emotions, consider speaking with a therapist who can guide you through the process of emotional release. Conclusion: Crying is a natural and essential part of our emotional well-being. It's not a sign of weakness but a testament to your emotional maturity. Don't suppress your tears; let them flow when needed. By embracing your emotions and using the suggested methods for safe release, you can find solace, balance, and healing in the power of your own tears. Resources: Gračanin A, et al. (2014). Is crying a self-soothing behavior? ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4035568/ Hesdorffer DC, et al. (2018). Social and psychological consequences of not crying: Possible associations with psychopathology and therapeutic relevance. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28831948/ Millings A, et al. (2016). Holding back the tears: Individual differences in adult crying proneness reflect attachment orientation and attitudes to crying. ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4934120/ Mund M, et al. (2012). The costs of repression: A meta-analysis on the relation between repressive coping and somatic diseases. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22081940/

As a therapist, my journey into the profession was driven by a strong desire to help my community. However, I've encountered a surprising and sobering reality—most of my clients are not African American. And, the few African American clients I have had often express reservations about therapy with a professional from a different racial background. They've shared concerns like, "You know people I know!" or "I don't want people knowing my business." These sentiments highlight the hesitation that many in the African American community feel when seeking therapy from professionals of different races. In this blog post, we'll explore some of the reasons why individuals, especially those from marginalized communities, might be apprehensive about therapy with therapists from different racial backgrounds. This discussion is essential to address the issue of underrepresentation and to promote more inclusive and effective mental health care. Cultural Understanding: Many clients are concerned that therapists from different backgrounds may not fully grasp the cultural nuances, experiences, and challenges they face. They fear that their unique perspective might be overlooked. Trust and Relatability: Building trust with a therapist is a cornerstone of successful therapy. Clients often find it easier to open up to a therapist who they believe can relate to their experiences. A shared cultural background can enhance this connection. Fear of Judgment: The fear of being judged or misunderstood by a therapist from a different racial or cultural background is a valid concern. Clients want to feel safe and accepted during their therapy sessions. Extra Emotional Labor: Some clients worry that they will need to educate their therapist about their culture, adding an extra emotional burden to the therapy process. They seek a space where they can focus on their well-being rather than being educators. To bridge this gap, mental health professionals must commit to cultural competence and sensitivity. While it's impossible for therapists to fully understand every client's unique background, they can strive to be culturally humble and attentive, engage in continuous education, and create a welcoming, inclusive therapeutic environment. Open and honest communication between clients and therapists is key. Clients should feel comfortable discussing their preferences, concerns, and any reservations they may have. The aim is to ensure that therapy is tailored to the individual's needs and experiences. Furthermore, increasing diversity and representation within the mental health profession is a positive step forward. When clients see therapists who share their background, it can help break down barriers and encourage more individuals to seek the help they need. In conclusion, initiating a discussion on these important issues is a crucial step in making therapy more inclusive and effective for everyone. By addressing the concerns that clients from different racial backgrounds may have, we can work towards a future where mental health care is accessible and relatable to all, irrespective of their cultural and racial identity.

Welcome to "Let me Know Your Thoughts" Hello, I'm Leslie Ousley, MA LPC SAC-IT, Clinical Director, Counselor, and Owner of Wings of Eagles Counseling Clinic in Green Bay, WI. With over two decades of experience in the mental health field, I am deeply passionate about the well-being of individuals. I firmly believe that everyone has the right to achieve wholeness, encompassing physical, mental, and spiritual health. In creating this blog, my goal is to establish a platform for conversations and learning. I'm eager to engage with you and share my insights on how we can all attain the wholeness we deserve. At Wings of Eagles Counseling Clinic, our mission is to empower individuals in their mental health journey, and I extend that mission to this blog. Here, we will explore a wide range of topics related to mental health, self-care, therapy techniques, breaking down stigmas, and much more. By fostering discussions and providing valuable information, I aim to contribute to the field of mental health, raise awareness, and help you on your path to holistic well-being. Whether you're a client, fellow mental health professional, or someone interested in learning more about mental health, this blog is for you. Please don't hesitate to share your thoughts, questions, and ideas. Let's embark on this journey together, learning and growing toward the wholeness we all deserve. Thank you for joining me on this important mission, and I look forward to our future conversations. So please comment and invite others to become a member.